Girls take more time to get ready than guys.
Well, most guys at least. Conventional wisdom says girls have to shower. They have to do six different activities all compiled into the blanket statement of “do makeup.” They have their hair to do. They have to spend an extra 45 minutes picking out an outfit. And then another 15 minutes changing their mind and going for the more conservative dress. Meanwhile, guys? Well we just shower, toss on a Polo and call it a night.
At least that isn’t true for about the 40% of men who actually care about looking like a respectable citizen. If you’re between the ages of 22-35 and you’re single, chances are you’ve probably attempted to dress decent on a night out. If you haven’t and don’t care that you haven’t, just go ahead and start picking out cats to prepare for the rest of your life as the single, creepy and possible pedophile neighbor. If you can’t respect yourself and the way you look, what makes you think anyone else will?
So ladies, what d0 we guys do to get ready for a night on the prowl? I’m here to explain. It’s a long process that begins days in advance and doesn’t just take ten minutes. And it starts with the haircut.
A. The Haircut
Most guys plan the haircut at most, two days before. The process is tedious, but must be done. We do two days so we don’t come out looking as if we tried too hard.
B. Picking the outfit
Guys divide their wardrobes into two categories before we go out: “Clothes I’d wear out” and “Clothes I’d wear to check the mail.” I’ve probably got 17 shirts in my closet that I’d wear when I needed to throw on something to go nowhere. Would I ever wear any of those shirts to the latest nightspot? Not a chance.
Now the shirts we would wear, we’re thinking about the message it sends(Unless it’s a new shirt, in which case we’re wearing regardless). And we also have to iron the shirt. This day and age you can’t just grab the wrinkled Polo in the back without looking like an amateur.
C. The Right Shoes
Take a look at the dirty Nike’s all of your male friends have sitting in the corner. We love those shoes. They get us through workouts, perfect to grocery shop in and they keep your feet comfortable at the company picnic. But when it’s time to go out, lets leave those in the corner. Hopefully most guys have a decent pair of loafers or nice sneakers. This part of the process doesn’t take as long, but is very important to the night.
We have to shave! It’s necessary. Even men like myself with Tommy Pickles syndrome aka The Baby Face have some kind of noticeable hair that we need to shave. The Wolfman gets no love so why even attempt to look like him? This usually comes after the shower but some guys love to skip shaving. And then they get angry when that unsightly neck hair starts itching three hours later.
Among the basics is selecting the right cologne. Most men I know have at least two bottles of cologne: One for regular nights and One for special nights. You have to smell good anytime you step out the house. You can be dressed like the flyest guy on planet earth but if your breath smells like horse hiccups, no one is going to want to be around you. The conscious man knows this and takes care of his mouth and his body odor. Be aware because other people are.
Now whether this takes you 30 minutes or two hours, guys have to make sure these things are done. Women may have more to get done but don’t underestimate the process that a guy goes through and how much time it might take him. Hopefully this opens women into our world just a bit. Or at any rate, inspires that smelly guy at the end of the bar to hop in the shower once a day.
“I mean, look, dude. You think this, all of this, was an accident? All of this right here? Premeditated, partner. You gotta highlight your attributes, like a diamond in the rough.” — Romany Malco, The 40-Year-Old Virgin